This particular blog has gone through many editing phases, as I've cut and added in sections while deciding what portions of my personal life should be showcased for the public. More importantly, I've been spending a great deal of time working on my book and some of these tidbits are included on a much larger scale there. Basically, I didn't wait this little blog to spoil anything for my readers. This post was also inspired when a male friend of mine told me, "If we are ever going to get married, you'll have to understand that I'm always right." It was at that point that I realized, I've never met a man that was wrong. The following will, of course, prove otherwise.
In my younger college years, my boyfriend once told me, "If you do a keg stand, you are a slut." A pretty interesting claim, if I do say so myself. In no way am I saying that girls who participate in keg stands are the epitome of class. I am, however, suggesting that doing a keg stand has absolutely nothing in common with frequency of sexual intercourse or number of sexual partners. Later in our relationship, after I was involved a car accident that sent my roommate and I to the emergency room, that same boy flipped out on me when I told him that I was unable to go to wing night with him and his friends. In an earlier blog post I mentioned that most people will not remain single forever. This particular individual may very well beat the odds.
During my first week of work, I witnessed a very large African American man screaming profanities at the register. While he was not necessarily swearing AT anyone, he was yelling the F word quite loudly. Let's face it, if I can hear you over the music you're far too loud. I approached the man and asked him to "please stop using those words, there are children around." The man pointed in my face and told me, "I will say whatever I want because I am a grown ass man." We exchanged our sides of the dispute back and forth before I realized that this man (much like the great majority of other men in the world) truly thought he was correct, and there was no sense in arguing with him. On his way out of the store, he continued to scream profanities and throw clothes onto the ground. I called security and inadvertently made my first arrest. This man learned the hard way that he in fact could not say what he wanted. Sucks to suck.
When I went away to college I was absolutely fascinated with a boy from home. Much like life always seems to work, the two of us met just a couple of months before I was moving away. He was older than I was, liked to throw parties, and always seemed carefree. Although we hung out almost every day, he told me that he didn't want a girlfriend. When I got to college, we talked on the phone every single day. Mind you, we weren't dating. Within the first month of college, I came back to Pittsburgh twice to hang out with this boy... even though we "weren't dating." After two months of being away at school, he showed up on my dorm porch as a surprise with flowers in hand. Still, we weren't dating. Soon after that, during a phone conversation, we broke up. "Strange," I told him, "Since we were never actually dating." Talk about mixed signals. I know I was not the first girl to face a problem like this, and I know I most certainly will not be the last either.
A few years ago, a boy I was interested in proclaimed to myself and a few of my friends that he "wished he was a dolphin." I don't exactly know why he felt that way, or why he chose to express it in front of a large group of people, but he did. I had no choice but to lose interest in this particular individual. My friends would have never forgotten a comment like that. In fact, they still bring it up to this day. I went out with that boy twice after he decided he wanted to be a mammal. Both of those times, my brother asked me if he licked the windows in my car.
Most recently, a boy told me that wasn't capable of running the marathon. Funny, right? "Nicole, you don't eat enough calories to walk a mile, how do you think you are going to run a marathon?" Yikes. Proved you wrong, didn't I? To be fair, the boy was great about constantly only caring about himself. I was rather surprised by his sudden interest in my caloric intake.
If I've learned anything from the "men" above, it's that they are better off not talking at all. Additionally, I think that each of them should meet one another, as they would make a fantastic group of friends. I'd love to continue with the madness, but I'm saving a great deal of material for my book which will be about ex-boyfriends and first dates. Stay tuned. Until next week....
Here's to cute boys keeping their stupid mouths shut,
Xoxo
