On Friday night, I found myself walking back to my car on the south side along the creepy river trail with one boy that I sort of know and one that I've never met before. When the guy that I have met before asked me what my next blog would be about and I told him "Stupid Shit Girls Do," he replied, "Oh, like walking along the river at night with two strangers?" So yes, this blog is about things just.like.that. In the last few weeks I've observed some absolutely ridiculous shit that girls do, and often times I have thought to myself, "sweet Jesus, we are a VERY troubled gender." Here is a small sample of the absurdities that I've witnessed by my fellow females....
They honestly believe that they can keep up with men in a shot taking contest. Okay, no you cannot. This problem is actually an epidemic. "I bet I can take more shots than you," you'll hear the stupid girl say. The guy accepts the bet, mostly because he has a 100% chance of winning, and the girl inevitably ends up crying, calling her ex-boyfriend, sleeping with her face on the toilet and spending the next day saying "I'm never drinking again." Going to Shady Grove on wine night does not mean that you are qualified for a shot competition, especially with a man.
They ask others if they look fat, knowing damn well that no one's opinion but their own matters. It has been my experience that when a girl says, "does this dress make me look fat?" It's because the dress doesn't make them look fat. They ask the question purely to hear that they don't look fat. If the girl truly thought she looked fat she would have done one of two things a)changed the dress b)not asked you if she looked fat or not. Seriously, girls are messed up creatures.
They obsess over one song, and listen to it 400 times a day. I am guilty of this crime, I listened to Big Sean's "Ass" roughly 12 times a day for three months straight. Last night at Sara's party, we listened to "Call Me Maybe" six times that I remember. Sara screamed the lyrics every single time, and snapped along to the beat.
Ever notice that these days every single girl you meet is a "model," except they really aren't at all. Having your photo taken in the photo booth at Ross Park Mall doesn't qualify you as a model. Having a photo shoot in the woods with a guy that owns a camera doesn't make you a model. Having a Facebook photo album titled "Model Pics" doesn't make you a model. You don't walk the runway, you aren't a Victoria's Secret Angel and you aren't on the cover of magazines... stop telling people you are a model.
They wear glasses when they actually have fantastic vision. I don't understand this whatsoever. I think that maybe they are trying to convince people that they are smart? Anyways, newsflash, no matter how many pairs of fake glasses you own, if you still say stupid shit on the reg., everyone knows that you aren't Einstein. At the end of the day, girls that wear fake glasses are in the same category as those that cake on their make up and wear colored contacts: Fake.
They wear yoga pants, or work out clothes in general, with absolutely no intention of working out. I see this ALL the time. Honestly, yoga pants shouldn't even be made in giant sizes because they do more harm than good. Yoga pants have gone from clothes only worn to work out in (their original use), to clothes worn out anywhere at all when girls don't feel like putting pants on. I'm willing to bet that 80% of the people that regularly sport yoga pants have never actually done yoga in their life. I know what you're thinking, "that's a really high percentage." Yeah, well... look around.
They try to multitask while driving. Look, we are already bad drivers; it's a fact. We are bad drivers when we are doing nothing but driving, so what makes you think you can successfully drive a car while putting on mascara, texting your friends or searching in your purse for something? Last week I almost rear-ended a car when trying to retrieve my Bruegger's bagel from my passenger's seat. Girls even say stupid things like, "I'm so good at texting and driving." No, you aren't, you aren't even good at driving. If you don't care about your own safety, that's one thing, but to put other's safety in jeopardy is just selfish.
Every guy reading this is probably impressed by my ability to pick up on these idiotic characteristics. Every girl reading this is probably either laughing, cause they know people like this or they are straight up pissed off because they are like the girls listed above. Either way, everything discussed above is 100% factual.
I hope that everyone has a fantastic week and enjoys this amazing weather!
Here's to keeping it real, ladies.
Xoxo
