Happy Monday, beautiful people!
I decided that I am going to start writing again and when I logged into my blog, I saw that I had four posts in draft from who knows when.
I found that this one was most relevant so I picked up right where I left off. Enjoy!
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"I just want to love every aspect of my life the way that I love my job," I told my mom over the phone while walking in awkward circles anxiously at the mall. "Something just doesn't feel right."
I call my mother for everything: remind me how much garlic goes in the homemade sauce?
What is the best removal technique for red wine on a white shirt? Are you going to visit me? What size shirt does dad wear? Remind me of his liver transplant anniversary. Listen to this probably-not-so-entertaining story about this random person. Is diet soda bad for you? What was the name of our neighbor in 1994? I have a weird bump on my leg, do you think I am dying? Why aren't you picking up your phone-- I am your life!
Everything.
"Don't judge me," I started. "I'm just not happy."
It
almost hurt to say. How the hell did this happen? How did I get to
this place? Most importantly, I better figure this out pronto so that I don't
have to change my Instagram handle.
We talked through the details for a bit and in the end my mother asked, "are you sure?"
You
know, before someone decides to end a relationship they think about it
obsessively for a significant amount of time. In long term
relationships, you find yourself tabling your emotions simply because
you've been with someone for long enough that you consider it an investment. You justify
your significant other doing _____ (often something
ridiculous/childish/selfish/ or all of the above) or saying ____
(rude/hurtful/absurd things) simply because you don't want to "throw
away" one or two or three years of your life.
I had thought about it obsessively for a significant amount of time. I was sure. This was the end.
And
so came the battle with myself. How the heck am I going to move on from
this? Where am I going to live? Do I know how to be single? Should I
google it? What am I going to do with all of my free time? How much is
this going to cost me?
But, you know what I did? I figured all of that out. I owed it to myself to figure it out.
Some things were tough. Long term breaks ups are like a divorce without the split of financial assets. The division of the physical assets sucked though. I lost the wine rack (I'm still bitter). The move out process was a logistical nightmare. Ladies, no matter how little you think you own-- do yourself a favor and hire movers. I didn't have tools, so I hammered all of the nails to hang my wall art with a spoon. (My dad has since purchased the essentials for me). A few months after the move, I found some hand-written notes and cards that I must have missed throwing away during the relationship purge and I wept like a child. There were definitely some bumps in the road.
In the end; I had back pain, more bills, a list of things I needed to buy, and a million things to unpack. But, I had a beautiful place to call my own and above all, I had my dignity. I walked away from that situation thinking, "at least I have my own back." Love yourself girl or nobody will @ J. Cole.
You know what the worst part about being single is? Carrying all of your groceries from the car to your apartment. You know what the best part about being single is? Literally everything else.
There are so many people in unhappy relationships. It's insane to me.
Some of the craziest people I know say things like, "well, if the worst thing that he/she does is drink a fifth of liquor a night, I can handle that." Or, "he/she says rude things to me but at least they don't cheat on me." Or, my personal favorite, "that's just how he/she is."
One of the greatest lessons that I have learned in my adult life is that if someone does/says things that make you question your self worth or discredits your emotions to any extent, it doesn't matter how long that you have been with that person--it's time to go. Your emotions, your thoughts, your feelings; they all matter. If the person you are dating doesn't feel the same--pack your shit.
Your biological clock is ticking? Your parents want you to be married? You think you're old? I am hopeful that you won't be 50 years old when you find a respectable human being to settle down with. Your parents want you to be happy, and they associate that with marriage/relationships because maybe it worked for them. You're only as old as you feel and trust me and I say that you'll feel younger when you aren't permanently frustrated with your relationship.
Fun facts:
1. The solution to a failing relationship is not marriage.
2. The solution to a failing marriage is not having a child.
There are actually people out there that stay in unhappy relationships because they fear that they won't find anyone, or find anyone better. But guess what? You will. Honestly, even if you don't find anyone, sometimes that is just the best damn thing for you. Take it from me. Take some time to work on yourself and find out who you are and what it is that you need in this world.
Give me a call if you need help with this- I'm the happiest person I know.
The breakup of a long term relationship is not a failure or a waste of time. It's just a lesson. One that prepares you for your next move. You are a human being with a mouth and legs, state your peace and walk away.
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Here's to loving yourself in ways beyond using a hydrating face mask once a week.
Xoxo,
Nicole <3
