Hello, beautiful people!
As 2017 comes to a close, I still have so many unanswered questions in life: Why do public bathroom stall doors swing inward (especially at the airport)? Why does DC struggle so hard with just salting the road before a snow storm? Why can't every grocery sell wine at Trader Joe's prices? Why do Taylor Swift's songs get stuck in my head even though I know she's trash? Etc..
But, we are all another year older and another year wiser. Having spent the bulk of 2017 riding solo (Jason Derulo) I really spent the year working on myself. Below is a short list of lessons that I have learned over the last 365 days. Enjoy!
Trim the fat:
No, not your body fat. But, shout out to my BFFs Joel and Sara K that are almost at their birth weight! Proud of ya both! Anyways... I said this last year too, but it definitely is something that will continue to be applicable for life; let go of things and people that no longer serve you. If it causes you stress; let it go. If someone is just plain mean; let them go. It is always better to be alone than miserable, and if you're miserable when you're alone then that's a problem that needs to be addressed by you and you alone.
Hell hath no fury like when your BFF moves away:
I am not ashamed to admit that I cried myself to sleep in a Four Points hotel the day that Mel K Jones moved to Michigan. If I think about it enough, I could cry right now. Making friends as an adult is weird AF and when you finally find a soul sister in your city, it sucks to watch them move away. Say it together: it is okay to eat dinner alone.
You get to pick who you're friends with:
Larry (my very intelligent but very abrasive brother) taught me this one. I'm going to go ahead and steal a page out of Regina George's book, "you might think you like someone, but you could be wrong." Which is similar to someone making you believe that they're your friend, only to catch them making out with your ex-boyfriend at an event that you're physically present at. The moral of this story is-- cut those people out of your life.
Know what you are able to give:
This one really comes in the form of a million different things. In addition to knowing what you can and can't stand for in a relationship- dive into what you can give of yourself to complete strangers. I am lucky to work for a company that gives back to the communities in which they serve. Some of my best moments of 2017 were spent donating my time and money to people that needed it. I spent eight days at a summer camp in Connecticut that gives terminally diagnosed children an opportunity to feel like a kid with a week away from home. Also, my district and I kicked off the holiday season by giving away 400+ coats to the children of DC. I am truly thankful for these opportunities that not only humbled me as a human being, but also made an impact on others.
Be thankful for your health:
We spend so much time worrying about "issues" that won't matter the next day, but no time at all being thankful to just be here (on earth). Coming from a family that has faced a hurdle or two over the years, I am thankful for the continued health of my family and friends.
There aren't enough surprises as an adult:
Think about it: as a child, almost everything your parents told you was a surprise. "We're going to Max and Erma's for dinner" set my brother and I off into screaming and high fives. For those of you laughing, they had an ice cream buffet and I have always loved sweets. But, seriously, every piece of news was a surprise. This isn't the case when you're an adult, you (maybe) get engaged and (maybe) find out the gender of your baby at a party with your friends. Why wait for those things? Do something to surprise your friends or family; send them mail, get on a plane and show up at their house, plan a weekend getaway-- adulthood is only as boring as you make it.
Do NOT wear a full-zip dress:
We shall call this "the dress mishap of 2017" and it was not pretty. We'll keep it simple. Have you ever stood completely naked in a Las Vegas night club in sheer and utter panic while your friends are unable to help you because they're laughing too hard? I have. Have you ever stood completely naked in a Las Vegas bathroom stall while the bathroom attendant acts as a seamstress on your dress? I have. And, that is why you don't wear a full-zip dress. Shout out to my drunk friend Caitlin for instigating the issue.
Never underestimate what you can find out about a
person via their tagged photos on social media:
In my younger years, I wrote a blog titled "The We Aren't Dating Epidemic," which explored lies that men tell women regarding their current relationship status. In the blog, I created a list of questions to ask men before I entertained the idea of going out to dinner with them. As it turns out, 24-year-old Nicole was wise beyond her years. This year, I learned (via Facebook tagged photos) that the phrase "I used to be engaged" does not necessarily mean that human being is single. It could, in fact, mean that they at one time were engaged and that they are no longer engaged because they are now married. How about that?
I would like to take the time to thank all of the people that have worked for me/currently work for me in the great state of Virginia. I am so proud of all of your accomplishments throughout 2017 and I am thrilled to see where everyone's careers take them in 2018. I know that I am crazy, thanks for putting up with me anyway-- especially during August week 2, and really lets face it, the entire month of September.
We know that 2018 will have challenges of its own. After all, we still have this whack job as President-- shout out to my fellow Americans. But hopefully, everyone can use the end of 2017 to reflect what they loved most about 2017. Because truly, standing naked in that night club just gave me one more thing to write about.
Here's to 2018!
Xoxo
Sunday, December 31, 2017
Monday, December 18, 2017
Adulting: The Breakup Edition
Happy Monday, beautiful people!
I decided that I am going to start writing again and when I logged into my blog, I saw that I had four posts in draft from who knows when.
I found that this one was most relevant so I picked up right where I left off. Enjoy!
_______
"I just want to love every aspect of my life the way that I love my job," I told my mom over the phone while walking in awkward circles anxiously at the mall. "Something just doesn't feel right."
I call my mother for everything: remind me how much garlic goes in the homemade sauce?
What is the best removal technique for red wine on a white shirt? Are you going to visit me? What size shirt does dad wear? Remind me of his liver transplant anniversary. Listen to this probably-not-so-entertaining story about this random person. Is diet soda bad for you? What was the name of our neighbor in 1994? I have a weird bump on my leg, do you think I am dying? Why aren't you picking up your phone-- I am your life!
Everything.
"Don't judge me," I started. "I'm just not happy."
It almost hurt to say. How the hell did this happen? How did I get to this place? Most importantly, I better figure this out pronto so that I don't have to change my Instagram handle.
We talked through the details for a bit and in the end my mother asked, "are you sure?"
You know, before someone decides to end a relationship they think about it obsessively for a significant amount of time. In long term relationships, you find yourself tabling your emotions simply because you've been with someone for long enough that you consider it an investment. You justify your significant other doing _____ (often something ridiculous/childish/selfish/ or all of the above) or saying ____ (rude/hurtful/absurd things) simply because you don't want to "throw away" one or two or three years of your life.
I had thought about it obsessively for a significant amount of time. I was sure. This was the end.
And so came the battle with myself. How the heck am I going to move on from this? Where am I going to live? Do I know how to be single? Should I google it? What am I going to do with all of my free time? How much is this going to cost me?
But, you know what I did? I figured all of that out. I owed it to myself to figure it out.
Some things were tough. Long term breaks ups are like a divorce without the split of financial assets. The division of the physical assets sucked though. I lost the wine rack (I'm still bitter). The move out process was a logistical nightmare. Ladies, no matter how little you think you own-- do yourself a favor and hire movers. I didn't have tools, so I hammered all of the nails to hang my wall art with a spoon. (My dad has since purchased the essentials for me). A few months after the move, I found some hand-written notes and cards that I must have missed throwing away during the relationship purge and I wept like a child. There were definitely some bumps in the road.
In the end; I had back pain, more bills, a list of things I needed to buy, and a million things to unpack. But, I had a beautiful place to call my own and above all, I had my dignity. I walked away from that situation thinking, "at least I have my own back." Love yourself girl or nobody will @ J. Cole.
You know what the worst part about being single is? Carrying all of your groceries from the car to your apartment. You know what the best part about being single is? Literally everything else.
There are so many people in unhappy relationships. It's insane to me.
Some of the craziest people I know say things like, "well, if the worst thing that he/she does is drink a fifth of liquor a night, I can handle that." Or, "he/she says rude things to me but at least they don't cheat on me." Or, my personal favorite, "that's just how he/she is."
One of the greatest lessons that I have learned in my adult life is that if someone does/says things that make you question your self worth or discredits your emotions to any extent, it doesn't matter how long that you have been with that person--it's time to go. Your emotions, your thoughts, your feelings; they all matter. If the person you are dating doesn't feel the same--pack your shit.
Your biological clock is ticking? Your parents want you to be married? You think you're old? I am hopeful that you won't be 50 years old when you find a respectable human being to settle down with. Your parents want you to be happy, and they associate that with marriage/relationships because maybe it worked for them. You're only as old as you feel and trust me and I say that you'll feel younger when you aren't permanently frustrated with your relationship.
Fun facts:
1. The solution to a failing relationship is not marriage.
2. The solution to a failing marriage is not having a child.
There are actually people out there that stay in unhappy relationships because they fear that they won't find anyone, or find anyone better. But guess what? You will. Honestly, even if you don't find anyone, sometimes that is just the best damn thing for you. Take it from me. Take some time to work on yourself and find out who you are and what it is that you need in this world.
Give me a call if you need help with this- I'm the happiest person I know.
The breakup of a long term relationship is not a failure or a waste of time. It's just a lesson. One that prepares you for your next move. You are a human being with a mouth and legs, state your peace and walk away.
________
Here's to loving yourself in ways beyond using a hydrating face mask once a week.
Xoxo,
Nicole <3
I decided that I am going to start writing again and when I logged into my blog, I saw that I had four posts in draft from who knows when.
I found that this one was most relevant so I picked up right where I left off. Enjoy!
_______
"I just want to love every aspect of my life the way that I love my job," I told my mom over the phone while walking in awkward circles anxiously at the mall. "Something just doesn't feel right."
I call my mother for everything: remind me how much garlic goes in the homemade sauce?
What is the best removal technique for red wine on a white shirt? Are you going to visit me? What size shirt does dad wear? Remind me of his liver transplant anniversary. Listen to this probably-not-so-entertaining story about this random person. Is diet soda bad for you? What was the name of our neighbor in 1994? I have a weird bump on my leg, do you think I am dying? Why aren't you picking up your phone-- I am your life!
Everything.
"Don't judge me," I started. "I'm just not happy."
It almost hurt to say. How the hell did this happen? How did I get to this place? Most importantly, I better figure this out pronto so that I don't have to change my Instagram handle.
We talked through the details for a bit and in the end my mother asked, "are you sure?"
You know, before someone decides to end a relationship they think about it obsessively for a significant amount of time. In long term relationships, you find yourself tabling your emotions simply because you've been with someone for long enough that you consider it an investment. You justify your significant other doing _____ (often something ridiculous/childish/selfish/ or all of the above) or saying ____ (rude/hurtful/absurd things) simply because you don't want to "throw away" one or two or three years of your life.
I had thought about it obsessively for a significant amount of time. I was sure. This was the end.
And so came the battle with myself. How the heck am I going to move on from this? Where am I going to live? Do I know how to be single? Should I google it? What am I going to do with all of my free time? How much is this going to cost me?
But, you know what I did? I figured all of that out. I owed it to myself to figure it out.
Some things were tough. Long term breaks ups are like a divorce without the split of financial assets. The division of the physical assets sucked though. I lost the wine rack (I'm still bitter). The move out process was a logistical nightmare. Ladies, no matter how little you think you own-- do yourself a favor and hire movers. I didn't have tools, so I hammered all of the nails to hang my wall art with a spoon. (My dad has since purchased the essentials for me). A few months after the move, I found some hand-written notes and cards that I must have missed throwing away during the relationship purge and I wept like a child. There were definitely some bumps in the road.
In the end; I had back pain, more bills, a list of things I needed to buy, and a million things to unpack. But, I had a beautiful place to call my own and above all, I had my dignity. I walked away from that situation thinking, "at least I have my own back." Love yourself girl or nobody will @ J. Cole.
You know what the worst part about being single is? Carrying all of your groceries from the car to your apartment. You know what the best part about being single is? Literally everything else.
There are so many people in unhappy relationships. It's insane to me.
Some of the craziest people I know say things like, "well, if the worst thing that he/she does is drink a fifth of liquor a night, I can handle that." Or, "he/she says rude things to me but at least they don't cheat on me." Or, my personal favorite, "that's just how he/she is."
One of the greatest lessons that I have learned in my adult life is that if someone does/says things that make you question your self worth or discredits your emotions to any extent, it doesn't matter how long that you have been with that person--it's time to go. Your emotions, your thoughts, your feelings; they all matter. If the person you are dating doesn't feel the same--pack your shit.
Your biological clock is ticking? Your parents want you to be married? You think you're old? I am hopeful that you won't be 50 years old when you find a respectable human being to settle down with. Your parents want you to be happy, and they associate that with marriage/relationships because maybe it worked for them. You're only as old as you feel and trust me and I say that you'll feel younger when you aren't permanently frustrated with your relationship.
Fun facts:
1. The solution to a failing relationship is not marriage.
2. The solution to a failing marriage is not having a child.
There are actually people out there that stay in unhappy relationships because they fear that they won't find anyone, or find anyone better. But guess what? You will. Honestly, even if you don't find anyone, sometimes that is just the best damn thing for you. Take it from me. Take some time to work on yourself and find out who you are and what it is that you need in this world.
Give me a call if you need help with this- I'm the happiest person I know.
The breakup of a long term relationship is not a failure or a waste of time. It's just a lesson. One that prepares you for your next move. You are a human being with a mouth and legs, state your peace and walk away.
________
Here's to loving yourself in ways beyond using a hydrating face mask once a week.
Xoxo,
Nicole <3
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