This post was inspired by a particular interaction that I was involved in at the Ross Park Mall. Earlier today, a short, white, teenage boy with a race identity crisis approached me. His body language stunned me; he was trying to flag me down with one hand, and hold up his pants up with the other. My initial thought process was, "Welp, lucky me, here comes another Shaler graduate." However, I always admit when I am wrong, and I was. As it turned out, the two of us didn't know each other at all. It is what happened once the boy caught up with me that baffled me even more so than his inability to un-tuck his pant leg from his timberland boots. He mumbled to me... and this is not a joke... "What up baby girl."
Now, there are two main reasons why what this idiot said what funny. 1)Because he was roughly 18, and I am 24. So, to him, I'm not a baby at all. 2)I watched this tool bag try to catch up to me for about 45 seconds, and all he came up with to say to me was, "What up baby girl." Wow. Groundbreaking.
So, after much thought of how to conglomerate this situation into a blog post, I've struck gold. This boy is undoubtedly single, and based on what I've seen of him.. he's going to remain single for quite some time. I've assembled a list of reasons that you may be single that both men and women can take a few things from. If you find yourself unable to attain a significant other, or keep them, you are probably guilty of one or more of these fatal relationship flaws.
1. You constantly put yourself and your feelings first.
Relationships involve two people, not just one. If something fantastic happens to your significant other, you should be equally as excited for them. Now, when Justin moved to Germany I cried like a little girl. However, I knew that's what he wanted, so I tried my hardest to be happy for him. If you only care about your own feelings and well-being, you will never find someone to put up with you. In the same token, when your significant other is feeling down, be there for them. Nothing should be more important to you than picking them back up again.
2.You don't have any friends.
This one is easy. If you can't find anyone that wants to hang out with you, even for coffee, it's pretty safe to say that you may be nuts. So, the chances of anyone wanting to indulge in a relationship with you are slim to none. Also, if you don't have any friends, that means that you will expect to be hanging out with yours truly 24/7. Which is completely fine... if you are married. No teenager or 20-something wants to bring their boyfriend or girlfriend to a party and be connected at the hip with them for the entire night. It's weird, and it's creepy.
3.You think your jokes are funnier than they actually are (if they are at all).
Everyone has nick names for their lovers; honey, babe, sweetheart, dear... etc. I once dated a boy who called me "devil woman." The first time I giggled, the next 20 times I gave him a blank stare, and after months and months of being called that stupid nick name with no response whatsoever... it still continued. Here's a hint to everyone, if no one except for you is laughing at your stupid jokes, its because they aren't funny. I promise you, people are in fact paying attention to your stupidity, they just aren't reacting because they hope you will shut up.
4.You think your job is the most important aspect of your life.
Sure, work is important; it's what finances your hopes and dreams. However, Carrie Bradshaw (Sex and the City) once said that your job won't be there when the rest of the world walks out, and that bitch was right. When you have a bad day at work, you need to leave and have someone to talk to. If you think the only thing that matters in this world is your job, no one is going to stick around long enough to hear anything that you have to say about work or otherwise.
5.You think you're the cats pajamas.
Look, self confidence is fantastic, and at times it's important. However, I assure you that you are not the hottest person in the world. Often times, people who think they are better than everyone else have very few morals or standards, and no one wants what everyone else can have. No one wants some jackass that thinks they can get any girl at the club and no one whats the slut in the mini skirt on top of the bar. If you think you're really sexy, you're probably wrong. If you are really sexy, save it for the one you love.
6.You are dumb, or worse, you act dumb when you aren't.
This one is predominately for the ladies. Being an airhead was cute in the third grade and when Alecia Silverstone played Cher in "Clueless." The best thing that you can do for yourself is to stop watching Desperate Housewives and pick up a god damned book. No man wants to date some moron that spews word vomit every time she opens her mouth. If a man really loves you, he may consider planning a life and having children with you some day. That would require they two of you to help educate a child, and if you can't spell your own name, you aren't going to be much help in that matter now, are you? Pay attention in class, get good grades and read the newspaper. It's really the best thing you can do for yourself. Plus, intelligence is sexy.
I hope all of you could take something from this. If you got offended by this, you are either a)sensitive or b)guilty of committing one of these relationship fouls. Either way, I'm willing to help you figure it out.
That's all for me. Happy Friday, and have a fantastic weekend! :)
Xoxo
