I know better.
I should have turned on the news that morning, but I was too busy (probably) sipping coffee and dancing around in my underwear loving life at an abnormal hour for a person that didn't have to go to work that day.
By the time we got to the National Mall just after lunch, I was absolutely perplexed by the number of people that were on the lawn for a Friday afternoon. It just didn't make any sense... until it did. I squinted to see a sign that one of the men was holding.
"Defund. Planned. Parenthood."
Yep. That's what his sign said. And his, and his, and hers, and hers, too. And oh look, a baby's head on a stick. I had blindly walked into a pro-life rally. If someone held a gun to my head and asked me to describe my worst nightmare; this exact scenario would make the top three list.
I know what you guys are thinking--this must be a joke. Unfortunately, it is not. There are witnesses.
There were so many high school aged kids holding baby loving signs. Perhaps, it's how they felt. But, perhaps they were required to take a field trip with their private school and got handed signs as the exited the bus. I don't care to take the time to figure out why they were there. Honestly, I think that I could have handled the entire situation had I not witnessed what I am about to describe to you.
Two 18-year-old white boys in boot cut jeans whom April would later describe as "couldn't pay someone to take their virginity," stopped and asked a middle-aged woman on a solo walk if she would take their photo. She obliged, and then they busted out their signs from behind their backs.
"Defund. Planned. Parenthood."
"Oh?" The woman said, taken aback by their signs.
"Well, I have to tell you," she started. "I am pro-choice and it has always confused me that men could have such strong feelings about a woman's reproductive system. But, at least you guys are out here standing up for what you believe in." She said as she took the photo.
What a lady, I thought. If that teen had asked me to take his photo that day, I wouldn't have posted this blog today. I would have probably been arrested for a public adult tantrum on the mall/ would have been charged with whatever is associated with shoving someone's iphone up their own ass.
I came home, hours later, still irate about the entire situation. I wrote a very very angry blog post, saved it as a draft and then called my dad to tell him about it. "Nicole," he said. "You have to be more tolerant."
After a lot of thought, I decided that my dad (and the photographer of the two teens) were right. Good for those kids for standing up for what they believed in-- even if it was the polar opposite of what I believe. I deleted the angry blog post and created this one instead.
However, I still believe that there is a lesson to be had here.
How completely out of touch must those two boot cut wearing teens have been to ask a WOMAN to take a photo of them with their signs with such strong opinions about lady parts that they don't even possess? About a place that they will likely never have to go to? About taxes that they don't even pay? About something that they likely do not even fully comprehend?
But then, I started thinking--things like this happen every day. Things like this happen all around us, constantly. People committing acts or saying things not only with a complete disregard for others, but even worse, with not a single ounce of self awareness.
We've all seen these people, heard these people, are forced to interact with them on a daily basis. Those head-in-the-clouds let me tell you all about my life and not ask about yours. Those people that make racially charged comments and assume that everyone around them feels the same. Those people that have (what appears to be) a blatant disregard for everyone around them. You know, those people.
In an effort to not lose your interest based on length of this post, more to come on this topic next Monday. Stay tuned.
Here's to being more tolerant (thanks dad!)
Xoxo,
Nicole <3
Monday, January 29, 2018
Sunday, December 31, 2017
Life Lessons: 2017 in Review
Hello, beautiful people!
As 2017 comes to a close, I still have so many unanswered questions in life: Why do public bathroom stall doors swing inward (especially at the airport)? Why does DC struggle so hard with just salting the road before a snow storm? Why can't every grocery sell wine at Trader Joe's prices? Why do Taylor Swift's songs get stuck in my head even though I know she's trash? Etc..
But, we are all another year older and another year wiser. Having spent the bulk of 2017 riding solo (Jason Derulo) I really spent the year working on myself. Below is a short list of lessons that I have learned over the last 365 days. Enjoy!
Trim the fat:
No, not your body fat. But, shout out to my BFFs Joel and Sara K that are almost at their birth weight! Proud of ya both! Anyways... I said this last year too, but it definitely is something that will continue to be applicable for life; let go of things and people that no longer serve you. If it causes you stress; let it go. If someone is just plain mean; let them go. It is always better to be alone than miserable, and if you're miserable when you're alone then that's a problem that needs to be addressed by you and you alone.
Hell hath no fury like when your BFF moves away:
I am not ashamed to admit that I cried myself to sleep in a Four Points hotel the day that Mel K Jones moved to Michigan. If I think about it enough, I could cry right now. Making friends as an adult is weird AF and when you finally find a soul sister in your city, it sucks to watch them move away. Say it together: it is okay to eat dinner alone.
You get to pick who you're friends with:
Larry (my very intelligent but very abrasive brother) taught me this one. I'm going to go ahead and steal a page out of Regina George's book, "you might think you like someone, but you could be wrong." Which is similar to someone making you believe that they're your friend, only to catch them making out with your ex-boyfriend at an event that you're physically present at. The moral of this story is-- cut those people out of your life.
Know what you are able to give:
This one really comes in the form of a million different things. In addition to knowing what you can and can't stand for in a relationship- dive into what you can give of yourself to complete strangers. I am lucky to work for a company that gives back to the communities in which they serve. Some of my best moments of 2017 were spent donating my time and money to people that needed it. I spent eight days at a summer camp in Connecticut that gives terminally diagnosed children an opportunity to feel like a kid with a week away from home. Also, my district and I kicked off the holiday season by giving away 400+ coats to the children of DC. I am truly thankful for these opportunities that not only humbled me as a human being, but also made an impact on others.
Be thankful for your health:
We spend so much time worrying about "issues" that won't matter the next day, but no time at all being thankful to just be here (on earth). Coming from a family that has faced a hurdle or two over the years, I am thankful for the continued health of my family and friends.
There aren't enough surprises as an adult:
Think about it: as a child, almost everything your parents told you was a surprise. "We're going to Max and Erma's for dinner" set my brother and I off into screaming and high fives. For those of you laughing, they had an ice cream buffet and I have always loved sweets. But, seriously, every piece of news was a surprise. This isn't the case when you're an adult, you (maybe) get engaged and (maybe) find out the gender of your baby at a party with your friends. Why wait for those things? Do something to surprise your friends or family; send them mail, get on a plane and show up at their house, plan a weekend getaway-- adulthood is only as boring as you make it.
Do NOT wear a full-zip dress:
We shall call this "the dress mishap of 2017" and it was not pretty. We'll keep it simple. Have you ever stood completely naked in a Las Vegas night club in sheer and utter panic while your friends are unable to help you because they're laughing too hard? I have. Have you ever stood completely naked in a Las Vegas bathroom stall while the bathroom attendant acts as a seamstress on your dress? I have. And, that is why you don't wear a full-zip dress. Shout out to my drunk friend Caitlin for instigating the issue.
Never underestimate what you can find out about a
person via their tagged photos on social media:
In my younger years, I wrote a blog titled "The We Aren't Dating Epidemic," which explored lies that men tell women regarding their current relationship status. In the blog, I created a list of questions to ask men before I entertained the idea of going out to dinner with them. As it turns out, 24-year-old Nicole was wise beyond her years. This year, I learned (via Facebook tagged photos) that the phrase "I used to be engaged" does not necessarily mean that human being is single. It could, in fact, mean that they at one time were engaged and that they are no longer engaged because they are now married. How about that?
I would like to take the time to thank all of the people that have worked for me/currently work for me in the great state of Virginia. I am so proud of all of your accomplishments throughout 2017 and I am thrilled to see where everyone's careers take them in 2018. I know that I am crazy, thanks for putting up with me anyway-- especially during August week 2, and really lets face it, the entire month of September.
We know that 2018 will have challenges of its own. After all, we still have this whack job as President-- shout out to my fellow Americans. But hopefully, everyone can use the end of 2017 to reflect what they loved most about 2017. Because truly, standing naked in that night club just gave me one more thing to write about.
Here's to 2018!
Xoxo
As 2017 comes to a close, I still have so many unanswered questions in life: Why do public bathroom stall doors swing inward (especially at the airport)? Why does DC struggle so hard with just salting the road before a snow storm? Why can't every grocery sell wine at Trader Joe's prices? Why do Taylor Swift's songs get stuck in my head even though I know she's trash? Etc..
But, we are all another year older and another year wiser. Having spent the bulk of 2017 riding solo (Jason Derulo) I really spent the year working on myself. Below is a short list of lessons that I have learned over the last 365 days. Enjoy!
Trim the fat:
No, not your body fat. But, shout out to my BFFs Joel and Sara K that are almost at their birth weight! Proud of ya both! Anyways... I said this last year too, but it definitely is something that will continue to be applicable for life; let go of things and people that no longer serve you. If it causes you stress; let it go. If someone is just plain mean; let them go. It is always better to be alone than miserable, and if you're miserable when you're alone then that's a problem that needs to be addressed by you and you alone.
Hell hath no fury like when your BFF moves away:
I am not ashamed to admit that I cried myself to sleep in a Four Points hotel the day that Mel K Jones moved to Michigan. If I think about it enough, I could cry right now. Making friends as an adult is weird AF and when you finally find a soul sister in your city, it sucks to watch them move away. Say it together: it is okay to eat dinner alone.
You get to pick who you're friends with:
Larry (my very intelligent but very abrasive brother) taught me this one. I'm going to go ahead and steal a page out of Regina George's book, "you might think you like someone, but you could be wrong." Which is similar to someone making you believe that they're your friend, only to catch them making out with your ex-boyfriend at an event that you're physically present at. The moral of this story is-- cut those people out of your life.
Know what you are able to give:
This one really comes in the form of a million different things. In addition to knowing what you can and can't stand for in a relationship- dive into what you can give of yourself to complete strangers. I am lucky to work for a company that gives back to the communities in which they serve. Some of my best moments of 2017 were spent donating my time and money to people that needed it. I spent eight days at a summer camp in Connecticut that gives terminally diagnosed children an opportunity to feel like a kid with a week away from home. Also, my district and I kicked off the holiday season by giving away 400+ coats to the children of DC. I am truly thankful for these opportunities that not only humbled me as a human being, but also made an impact on others.
Be thankful for your health:
We spend so much time worrying about "issues" that won't matter the next day, but no time at all being thankful to just be here (on earth). Coming from a family that has faced a hurdle or two over the years, I am thankful for the continued health of my family and friends.
There aren't enough surprises as an adult:
Think about it: as a child, almost everything your parents told you was a surprise. "We're going to Max and Erma's for dinner" set my brother and I off into screaming and high fives. For those of you laughing, they had an ice cream buffet and I have always loved sweets. But, seriously, every piece of news was a surprise. This isn't the case when you're an adult, you (maybe) get engaged and (maybe) find out the gender of your baby at a party with your friends. Why wait for those things? Do something to surprise your friends or family; send them mail, get on a plane and show up at their house, plan a weekend getaway-- adulthood is only as boring as you make it.
Do NOT wear a full-zip dress:
We shall call this "the dress mishap of 2017" and it was not pretty. We'll keep it simple. Have you ever stood completely naked in a Las Vegas night club in sheer and utter panic while your friends are unable to help you because they're laughing too hard? I have. Have you ever stood completely naked in a Las Vegas bathroom stall while the bathroom attendant acts as a seamstress on your dress? I have. And, that is why you don't wear a full-zip dress. Shout out to my drunk friend Caitlin for instigating the issue.
Never underestimate what you can find out about a
person via their tagged photos on social media:
In my younger years, I wrote a blog titled "The We Aren't Dating Epidemic," which explored lies that men tell women regarding their current relationship status. In the blog, I created a list of questions to ask men before I entertained the idea of going out to dinner with them. As it turns out, 24-year-old Nicole was wise beyond her years. This year, I learned (via Facebook tagged photos) that the phrase "I used to be engaged" does not necessarily mean that human being is single. It could, in fact, mean that they at one time were engaged and that they are no longer engaged because they are now married. How about that?
I would like to take the time to thank all of the people that have worked for me/currently work for me in the great state of Virginia. I am so proud of all of your accomplishments throughout 2017 and I am thrilled to see where everyone's careers take them in 2018. I know that I am crazy, thanks for putting up with me anyway-- especially during August week 2, and really lets face it, the entire month of September.
We know that 2018 will have challenges of its own. After all, we still have this whack job as President-- shout out to my fellow Americans. But hopefully, everyone can use the end of 2017 to reflect what they loved most about 2017. Because truly, standing naked in that night club just gave me one more thing to write about.
Here's to 2018!
Xoxo
Monday, December 18, 2017
Adulting: The Breakup Edition
Happy Monday, beautiful people!
I decided that I am going to start writing again and when I logged into my blog, I saw that I had four posts in draft from who knows when.
I found that this one was most relevant so I picked up right where I left off. Enjoy!
_______
"I just want to love every aspect of my life the way that I love my job," I told my mom over the phone while walking in awkward circles anxiously at the mall. "Something just doesn't feel right."
I call my mother for everything: remind me how much garlic goes in the homemade sauce?
What is the best removal technique for red wine on a white shirt? Are you going to visit me? What size shirt does dad wear? Remind me of his liver transplant anniversary. Listen to this probably-not-so-entertaining story about this random person. Is diet soda bad for you? What was the name of our neighbor in 1994? I have a weird bump on my leg, do you think I am dying? Why aren't you picking up your phone-- I am your life!
Everything.
"Don't judge me," I started. "I'm just not happy."
It almost hurt to say. How the hell did this happen? How did I get to this place? Most importantly, I better figure this out pronto so that I don't have to change my Instagram handle.
We talked through the details for a bit and in the end my mother asked, "are you sure?"
You know, before someone decides to end a relationship they think about it obsessively for a significant amount of time. In long term relationships, you find yourself tabling your emotions simply because you've been with someone for long enough that you consider it an investment. You justify your significant other doing _____ (often something ridiculous/childish/selfish/ or all of the above) or saying ____ (rude/hurtful/absurd things) simply because you don't want to "throw away" one or two or three years of your life.
I had thought about it obsessively for a significant amount of time. I was sure. This was the end.
And so came the battle with myself. How the heck am I going to move on from this? Where am I going to live? Do I know how to be single? Should I google it? What am I going to do with all of my free time? How much is this going to cost me?
But, you know what I did? I figured all of that out. I owed it to myself to figure it out.
Some things were tough. Long term breaks ups are like a divorce without the split of financial assets. The division of the physical assets sucked though. I lost the wine rack (I'm still bitter). The move out process was a logistical nightmare. Ladies, no matter how little you think you own-- do yourself a favor and hire movers. I didn't have tools, so I hammered all of the nails to hang my wall art with a spoon. (My dad has since purchased the essentials for me). A few months after the move, I found some hand-written notes and cards that I must have missed throwing away during the relationship purge and I wept like a child. There were definitely some bumps in the road.
In the end; I had back pain, more bills, a list of things I needed to buy, and a million things to unpack. But, I had a beautiful place to call my own and above all, I had my dignity. I walked away from that situation thinking, "at least I have my own back." Love yourself girl or nobody will @ J. Cole.
You know what the worst part about being single is? Carrying all of your groceries from the car to your apartment. You know what the best part about being single is? Literally everything else.
There are so many people in unhappy relationships. It's insane to me.
Some of the craziest people I know say things like, "well, if the worst thing that he/she does is drink a fifth of liquor a night, I can handle that." Or, "he/she says rude things to me but at least they don't cheat on me." Or, my personal favorite, "that's just how he/she is."
One of the greatest lessons that I have learned in my adult life is that if someone does/says things that make you question your self worth or discredits your emotions to any extent, it doesn't matter how long that you have been with that person--it's time to go. Your emotions, your thoughts, your feelings; they all matter. If the person you are dating doesn't feel the same--pack your shit.
Your biological clock is ticking? Your parents want you to be married? You think you're old? I am hopeful that you won't be 50 years old when you find a respectable human being to settle down with. Your parents want you to be happy, and they associate that with marriage/relationships because maybe it worked for them. You're only as old as you feel and trust me and I say that you'll feel younger when you aren't permanently frustrated with your relationship.
Fun facts:
1. The solution to a failing relationship is not marriage.
2. The solution to a failing marriage is not having a child.
There are actually people out there that stay in unhappy relationships because they fear that they won't find anyone, or find anyone better. But guess what? You will. Honestly, even if you don't find anyone, sometimes that is just the best damn thing for you. Take it from me. Take some time to work on yourself and find out who you are and what it is that you need in this world.
Give me a call if you need help with this- I'm the happiest person I know.
The breakup of a long term relationship is not a failure or a waste of time. It's just a lesson. One that prepares you for your next move. You are a human being with a mouth and legs, state your peace and walk away.
________
Here's to loving yourself in ways beyond using a hydrating face mask once a week.
Xoxo,
Nicole <3
I decided that I am going to start writing again and when I logged into my blog, I saw that I had four posts in draft from who knows when.
I found that this one was most relevant so I picked up right where I left off. Enjoy!
_______
"I just want to love every aspect of my life the way that I love my job," I told my mom over the phone while walking in awkward circles anxiously at the mall. "Something just doesn't feel right."
I call my mother for everything: remind me how much garlic goes in the homemade sauce?
What is the best removal technique for red wine on a white shirt? Are you going to visit me? What size shirt does dad wear? Remind me of his liver transplant anniversary. Listen to this probably-not-so-entertaining story about this random person. Is diet soda bad for you? What was the name of our neighbor in 1994? I have a weird bump on my leg, do you think I am dying? Why aren't you picking up your phone-- I am your life!
Everything.
"Don't judge me," I started. "I'm just not happy."
It almost hurt to say. How the hell did this happen? How did I get to this place? Most importantly, I better figure this out pronto so that I don't have to change my Instagram handle.
We talked through the details for a bit and in the end my mother asked, "are you sure?"
You know, before someone decides to end a relationship they think about it obsessively for a significant amount of time. In long term relationships, you find yourself tabling your emotions simply because you've been with someone for long enough that you consider it an investment. You justify your significant other doing _____ (often something ridiculous/childish/selfish/ or all of the above) or saying ____ (rude/hurtful/absurd things) simply because you don't want to "throw away" one or two or three years of your life.
I had thought about it obsessively for a significant amount of time. I was sure. This was the end.
And so came the battle with myself. How the heck am I going to move on from this? Where am I going to live? Do I know how to be single? Should I google it? What am I going to do with all of my free time? How much is this going to cost me?
But, you know what I did? I figured all of that out. I owed it to myself to figure it out.
Some things were tough. Long term breaks ups are like a divorce without the split of financial assets. The division of the physical assets sucked though. I lost the wine rack (I'm still bitter). The move out process was a logistical nightmare. Ladies, no matter how little you think you own-- do yourself a favor and hire movers. I didn't have tools, so I hammered all of the nails to hang my wall art with a spoon. (My dad has since purchased the essentials for me). A few months after the move, I found some hand-written notes and cards that I must have missed throwing away during the relationship purge and I wept like a child. There were definitely some bumps in the road.
In the end; I had back pain, more bills, a list of things I needed to buy, and a million things to unpack. But, I had a beautiful place to call my own and above all, I had my dignity. I walked away from that situation thinking, "at least I have my own back." Love yourself girl or nobody will @ J. Cole.
You know what the worst part about being single is? Carrying all of your groceries from the car to your apartment. You know what the best part about being single is? Literally everything else.
There are so many people in unhappy relationships. It's insane to me.
Some of the craziest people I know say things like, "well, if the worst thing that he/she does is drink a fifth of liquor a night, I can handle that." Or, "he/she says rude things to me but at least they don't cheat on me." Or, my personal favorite, "that's just how he/she is."
One of the greatest lessons that I have learned in my adult life is that if someone does/says things that make you question your self worth or discredits your emotions to any extent, it doesn't matter how long that you have been with that person--it's time to go. Your emotions, your thoughts, your feelings; they all matter. If the person you are dating doesn't feel the same--pack your shit.
Your biological clock is ticking? Your parents want you to be married? You think you're old? I am hopeful that you won't be 50 years old when you find a respectable human being to settle down with. Your parents want you to be happy, and they associate that with marriage/relationships because maybe it worked for them. You're only as old as you feel and trust me and I say that you'll feel younger when you aren't permanently frustrated with your relationship.
Fun facts:
1. The solution to a failing relationship is not marriage.
2. The solution to a failing marriage is not having a child.
There are actually people out there that stay in unhappy relationships because they fear that they won't find anyone, or find anyone better. But guess what? You will. Honestly, even if you don't find anyone, sometimes that is just the best damn thing for you. Take it from me. Take some time to work on yourself and find out who you are and what it is that you need in this world.
Give me a call if you need help with this- I'm the happiest person I know.
The breakup of a long term relationship is not a failure or a waste of time. It's just a lesson. One that prepares you for your next move. You are a human being with a mouth and legs, state your peace and walk away.
________
Here's to loving yourself in ways beyond using a hydrating face mask once a week.
Xoxo,
Nicole <3
Monday, March 20, 2017
The Power of a Few Good Friends
It was the last day of 2009 and a bunch of my girlfriends and I were ready to ring in the New Year in Pittsburgh. We got ready and headed to the city in two cars. About halfway there, Rachel called me. I was the driver of car one and she was the driver of car two.
"Helloooooo," I answered.
"Listen," she started. "I'm not going to chase you around the city all night."
Yikes. That is not where I saw this conversation going.
"Well," I said. "I'm not going to deal with your piss poor attitude."
And that was it. That was the only argument that I have ever had with a friend of mine in my adult life. It was 45 seconds long and straight to the point. When we got to the party, we laughed about the phone call and hugged it out.
*In Rachel's defense, I was speeding in the rain and she was not familiar with the area. Sorry Rach,I love you.
You know those shows on Bravo where all of those women are just screaming at each other 24/7? They're doing it wrong.
In my opinion, girlfriends in your adult life are as important as water, oxygen and a good mascara.
Great girlfriends are the ones that eat at restaurants that they don't like because that's where you wanted to eat. The ones that come to target with you even though they don't need anything, knowing damn well they're going to drop $50. The ones that pick up the phone when they're busy, just to make sure you're alright. The ones that give you their last advil or tampon.
They tell the truth. Why yes, those pants do make your thighs look huge. They tell you when you have something in your teeth, sometimes they pick it out for you. They cut you off when you've really had plenty of wine. They call you out with you are being a B.
More importantly, they are your support system.
You know when you're younger and you think that every single event that happens is just so significant? Then, you get a little older and you realize that most of those things didn't matter at all. But, all at once, life just hits you for a few years in a row. The only reason that I survived that life thrashing was because of my girlfriends.
When shit goes rogue in your twenties, it's your girlfriends that have your back. When you hate a man, they hate him with you. When you love a guy even though he's a total moron, they'll rationalize why that's okay. These are the same people that keep you from causing physical bodily harm to the same men described above once the shit hits the proverbial fan.
They ask about your parents. When you mess something up really badly, they tell you that you're still awesome, and they mean it!
Some of my most significant life decisions have been finalized over guacamole and a margarita with Mel K Jones.
While celebrating my birthday this weekend, I looked around at all of the amazing people in my apartment and felt so incredibly thankful for a (little more than a) few good friends.
You know when you first meet someone and your soul just screams "YES!" Those are the ones.
Whether it be through an ex, or a current boyfriend, or college, or work or randomly in central America in an airport; when you find them love them and support them and thank them and repay them by doing the same things that they do for you
Those "friends" out there that pick fights with you, they aren't friends. It's like Meghan Trainor said; you need to let it go. Life is hard, maintaining positive friendships shouldn't be.
Here's to finding your tribe and being grateful every single day.
Xo
"Helloooooo," I answered.
"Listen," she started. "I'm not going to chase you around the city all night."
Yikes. That is not where I saw this conversation going.
"Well," I said. "I'm not going to deal with your piss poor attitude."
And that was it. That was the only argument that I have ever had with a friend of mine in my adult life. It was 45 seconds long and straight to the point. When we got to the party, we laughed about the phone call and hugged it out.
*In Rachel's defense, I was speeding in the rain and she was not familiar with the area. Sorry Rach,I love you.
You know those shows on Bravo where all of those women are just screaming at each other 24/7? They're doing it wrong.
In my opinion, girlfriends in your adult life are as important as water, oxygen and a good mascara.
Great girlfriends are the ones that eat at restaurants that they don't like because that's where you wanted to eat. The ones that come to target with you even though they don't need anything, knowing damn well they're going to drop $50. The ones that pick up the phone when they're busy, just to make sure you're alright. The ones that give you their last advil or tampon.
They tell the truth. Why yes, those pants do make your thighs look huge. They tell you when you have something in your teeth, sometimes they pick it out for you. They cut you off when you've really had plenty of wine. They call you out with you are being a B.
More importantly, they are your support system.
You know when you're younger and you think that every single event that happens is just so significant? Then, you get a little older and you realize that most of those things didn't matter at all. But, all at once, life just hits you for a few years in a row. The only reason that I survived that life thrashing was because of my girlfriends.
When shit goes rogue in your twenties, it's your girlfriends that have your back. When you hate a man, they hate him with you. When you love a guy even though he's a total moron, they'll rationalize why that's okay. These are the same people that keep you from causing physical bodily harm to the same men described above once the shit hits the proverbial fan.
They ask about your parents. When you mess something up really badly, they tell you that you're still awesome, and they mean it!
Some of my most significant life decisions have been finalized over guacamole and a margarita with Mel K Jones.
While celebrating my birthday this weekend, I looked around at all of the amazing people in my apartment and felt so incredibly thankful for a (little more than a) few good friends.
You know when you first meet someone and your soul just screams "YES!" Those are the ones.
Whether it be through an ex, or a current boyfriend, or college, or work or randomly in central America in an airport; when you find them love them and support them and thank them and repay them by doing the same things that they do for you
Those "friends" out there that pick fights with you, they aren't friends. It's like Meghan Trainor said; you need to let it go. Life is hard, maintaining positive friendships shouldn't be.
Here's to finding your tribe and being grateful every single day.
Xo
Monday, March 6, 2017
The Inception of #Thisis28
My mother pulled me aside in the grocery store. She did this from time to time when I was acting out. "Nicole," she began. "You need to stop telling people that. You are not going to die."
I remember this vividly. I had a piece of American cheese in my hand. Mom often let Larry and I get a piece of cheese from the deli or a cookie from the bakery while she grocery shopped. Really, anything to keep our hands occupied in an effort to avoid the 'who can yank the most coupons out of the aisle dispensers before we get to the check out' contest that Larry and I actively participated in when mom wasn't paying attention to us.
Looking back, that random woman in the spice aisle was probably creeped the fuck out. Here I am, six-year-old Nicole, telling a random stranger that I am going to die at the age of 27. I was the female version of Haley Joel Osment in the Sixth Sense.
I have no idea when I decided that I would die at 27, but it has definitely been a thing for as long as I remember. I was fascinated with the idea of death. I once asked my mother what a will was. "It's a letter that older people leave for their family before they die. It tells the family what to do with all of their belongings."
"Cool," I said. "Can I have your coffee pot when you die?"
I got sent to my room.
After the grocery store and a few other lectures from my mother, I stopped talking about how I was going to die at the age of 27, but I still actively thought about it. I (unknowingly) would have been in good company with those belonging to the "27 Club." Still to this day, I do not know where this idea came from. But, here is what I can tell you...
I have a theory about my twenties (also addressed in previous blogs). For me, 25 was the year of hot men, ask anyone. I am steadfast in this theory. Now, 26 on the other hand, that was the year of the flu; saw a whole lot of doctors that year.
I didn't really think too much about my alleged death year as it played out, but I mentioned it to my friends on occasion. I rear ended a guy in stop and go traffic about three weeks after I moved to DC when I was 27, smashed my big nose off the steering wheel and everything. But, even though I was going about 10mph at the time; I told my friends that I believed that's when I was supposed to die (I know this is dumb). On September 16th of my 27th year, my friends threw me a half birthday party to celebrate six months survived of the alleged dooms-year.
On March 15th (the day before my birthday) of my 27th year, I refused to drive to work. I walked instead. I figured that if I had made it 364 days, I wasn't going to go out in some non-heroic way. When I got home that day, I refused to leave my apartment. I went to sleep at 9pm. Not today, I thought.
And then just like that, I woke up the next morning and I was 28. I was a combination of shocked that I had made it this far, embarrassed that I told so many people that I wouldn't, and kind of confused because that whole grocery store scenario felt like last week and now I was pushing 30.
Regardless; this was the inception of #thisis28. It began as a joke.
"I fell asleep snuggling a bag of Doritos #thisis28."
But, then it turned into a journey of living my best life. Like, here I am with my dad that escaped death a million times using the puppy filter on snapchat #thisis28. This is me spending every weekend at the pool #thisis28. Promoted! #thisis28. Here are some gorgeous flowers my boyfriend sent me #thisis28. Here we are in the Caribbean (again) #thisis28.
To be honest I am pretty glad that I did make it to 28 because this year has been all about some serious finding myself shit. You know that whole "let go of the things that no longer serve you" quote? Yeah, I did that and you should too. Twenty eight turned out to be the best year yet, for myself, not America.
So, with only 10 days left of #thisis28 I figured I would post to explain why you guys have to see that hashtag all of the time and to say thank you for all of you awesome people that are in my life. I feel so honored to be surrounded by amazing friends, family, and coworkers in DC and beyond.
Thanks for putting up with my crazy, especially for those of you that knew the Haley Joel Osment version of me.
Here's to 29!
Xo
I remember this vividly. I had a piece of American cheese in my hand. Mom often let Larry and I get a piece of cheese from the deli or a cookie from the bakery while she grocery shopped. Really, anything to keep our hands occupied in an effort to avoid the 'who can yank the most coupons out of the aisle dispensers before we get to the check out' contest that Larry and I actively participated in when mom wasn't paying attention to us.
Looking back, that random woman in the spice aisle was probably creeped the fuck out. Here I am, six-year-old Nicole, telling a random stranger that I am going to die at the age of 27. I was the female version of Haley Joel Osment in the Sixth Sense.
I have no idea when I decided that I would die at 27, but it has definitely been a thing for as long as I remember. I was fascinated with the idea of death. I once asked my mother what a will was. "It's a letter that older people leave for their family before they die. It tells the family what to do with all of their belongings."
"Cool," I said. "Can I have your coffee pot when you die?"
I got sent to my room.
After the grocery store and a few other lectures from my mother, I stopped talking about how I was going to die at the age of 27, but I still actively thought about it. I (unknowingly) would have been in good company with those belonging to the "27 Club." Still to this day, I do not know where this idea came from. But, here is what I can tell you...
I have a theory about my twenties (also addressed in previous blogs). For me, 25 was the year of hot men, ask anyone. I am steadfast in this theory. Now, 26 on the other hand, that was the year of the flu; saw a whole lot of doctors that year.
I didn't really think too much about my alleged death year as it played out, but I mentioned it to my friends on occasion. I rear ended a guy in stop and go traffic about three weeks after I moved to DC when I was 27, smashed my big nose off the steering wheel and everything. But, even though I was going about 10mph at the time; I told my friends that I believed that's when I was supposed to die (I know this is dumb). On September 16th of my 27th year, my friends threw me a half birthday party to celebrate six months survived of the alleged dooms-year.
On March 15th (the day before my birthday) of my 27th year, I refused to drive to work. I walked instead. I figured that if I had made it 364 days, I wasn't going to go out in some non-heroic way. When I got home that day, I refused to leave my apartment. I went to sleep at 9pm. Not today, I thought.
And then just like that, I woke up the next morning and I was 28. I was a combination of shocked that I had made it this far, embarrassed that I told so many people that I wouldn't, and kind of confused because that whole grocery store scenario felt like last week and now I was pushing 30.
Regardless; this was the inception of #thisis28. It began as a joke.
"I fell asleep snuggling a bag of Doritos #thisis28."
But, then it turned into a journey of living my best life. Like, here I am with my dad that escaped death a million times using the puppy filter on snapchat #thisis28. This is me spending every weekend at the pool #thisis28. Promoted! #thisis28. Here are some gorgeous flowers my boyfriend sent me #thisis28. Here we are in the Caribbean (again) #thisis28.
To be honest I am pretty glad that I did make it to 28 because this year has been all about some serious finding myself shit. You know that whole "let go of the things that no longer serve you" quote? Yeah, I did that and you should too. Twenty eight turned out to be the best year yet, for myself, not America.
So, with only 10 days left of #thisis28 I figured I would post to explain why you guys have to see that hashtag all of the time and to say thank you for all of you awesome people that are in my life. I feel so honored to be surrounded by amazing friends, family, and coworkers in DC and beyond.
Thanks for putting up with my crazy, especially for those of you that knew the Haley Joel Osment version of me.
Here's to 29!
Xo
Wednesday, April 13, 2016
Back on the Grid
I mean, come on... you guys couldn't have possibly thought that I would ever write in any color other than pink.
It's been so long, too long, since I have written. I once read that everyone should have three hobbies; one to make you money, one to keep you in shape and one to keep you creative. This is my creative outlet. Note: I did try adult coloring books during the winter but to be honest (TBH as the kids are saying), some of those pages are really intricate and I get tired around 10p.m. so it was short lived endeavor.
When I decided to major in English, I spent the great majority of my first two years of college the same way that everyone else did.... reading books. It wasn't until I got to Pitt that I began all of my intensive writing courses and found that I had a great passion for writing. During one of my more intimate classes of 12 classmates, our professor gave us a stern talking to one day. She preached that the idea of writing wasn't to write the same way that you speak, but to basically create a second identity for yourself, to use your writing to take you to a mythical place that you wish you could be, or to create fiction. At the end of the class, she pulled me aside to let me know that her lecture wasn't for me and that she did not want for me to adjust my already created pieces. She said that my work, though written the exact same way that I speak, was highly entertaining.
Yet, the most interesting and important aspects of these submitted pieces weren't that I was writing the same way in which I spoke, but rather that every story that I wrote was 100% nonfiction. Everything that I wrote about had actually happened in my life. The "place that I wished I was" or the "identity that I craved" was none other than my own.
Now, I am not sharing this story because I like to toot my own horn. I don't think that I am a better writer than my classmates. In fact, some of those 12 went on to write professionally and I did not.
But what I did do was create this blog. I started it on March 29, 2012 and my first post had 67 views. I posted every Monday morning religiously. The blog grew, quickly. And somehow between March 2012 and November 2015 (my last post), I've had 30,000 views on this blog. It gave me something to look forward to and reflect on just how exciting my life actually was. To have a place to express myself AND do have people that enjoyed reading about my explorations was amazing.
But somewhere along the way I lost it.
I lost it because I thought that I didn't have enough time. My fast-paced career consumed my brain, and I loved every minute of it. But even worse than not making time to write, I thought that I lost my excitement. I thought that I didn't have anything worth reading anymore.
You know what they say, hindsight is 20x20.
My life is still exciting. It's so entertaining that sometimes I laugh before I can even tell my friends what is about to come out of my mouth.
The irony of my life, the love, the hilarity that ensues on a regular basis, the relationships, the vacations (so many of them) and the adventures... they're all entertaining. So fucking entertaining. And we have a lot of catching up to do.
So my ode to you (my beloved readers), is that my boring hiatus is over. So whether you were in the first 67 readers or the latter 30,933 or if you're just reading this today confused about what the heck is happening, here is what I can promise you..... I will be back next week.
Here's to staying creative
Xoxo
It's been so long, too long, since I have written. I once read that everyone should have three hobbies; one to make you money, one to keep you in shape and one to keep you creative. This is my creative outlet. Note: I did try adult coloring books during the winter but to be honest (TBH as the kids are saying), some of those pages are really intricate and I get tired around 10p.m. so it was short lived endeavor.
When I decided to major in English, I spent the great majority of my first two years of college the same way that everyone else did.... reading books. It wasn't until I got to Pitt that I began all of my intensive writing courses and found that I had a great passion for writing. During one of my more intimate classes of 12 classmates, our professor gave us a stern talking to one day. She preached that the idea of writing wasn't to write the same way that you speak, but to basically create a second identity for yourself, to use your writing to take you to a mythical place that you wish you could be, or to create fiction. At the end of the class, she pulled me aside to let me know that her lecture wasn't for me and that she did not want for me to adjust my already created pieces. She said that my work, though written the exact same way that I speak, was highly entertaining.
Yet, the most interesting and important aspects of these submitted pieces weren't that I was writing the same way in which I spoke, but rather that every story that I wrote was 100% nonfiction. Everything that I wrote about had actually happened in my life. The "place that I wished I was" or the "identity that I craved" was none other than my own.
Now, I am not sharing this story because I like to toot my own horn. I don't think that I am a better writer than my classmates. In fact, some of those 12 went on to write professionally and I did not.
But what I did do was create this blog. I started it on March 29, 2012 and my first post had 67 views. I posted every Monday morning religiously. The blog grew, quickly. And somehow between March 2012 and November 2015 (my last post), I've had 30,000 views on this blog. It gave me something to look forward to and reflect on just how exciting my life actually was. To have a place to express myself AND do have people that enjoyed reading about my explorations was amazing.
But somewhere along the way I lost it.
I lost it because I thought that I didn't have enough time. My fast-paced career consumed my brain, and I loved every minute of it. But even worse than not making time to write, I thought that I lost my excitement. I thought that I didn't have anything worth reading anymore.
You know what they say, hindsight is 20x20.
My life is still exciting. It's so entertaining that sometimes I laugh before I can even tell my friends what is about to come out of my mouth.
The irony of my life, the love, the hilarity that ensues on a regular basis, the relationships, the vacations (so many of them) and the adventures... they're all entertaining. So fucking entertaining. And we have a lot of catching up to do.
So my ode to you (my beloved readers), is that my boring hiatus is over. So whether you were in the first 67 readers or the latter 30,933 or if you're just reading this today confused about what the heck is happening, here is what I can promise you..... I will be back next week.
Here's to staying creative
Xoxo
Sunday, September 20, 2015
An Open Letter to Our Boyfriends' Friends
Good day, my beautiful readers!
As promised and back by popular demand, here we go....
Let me set the scene for you. I took a few days off from work and I am visiting with my family and friends in Pittsburgh and I could not possibly be any happier. On Thursday, my dad and I went to the Pirate game in the afternoon and the parking situation was less than ideal. After driving around aimlessly for what my dad refers to as "two days," we decided to bite the bullet and park about a mile away and walk to the game. Dad said he will "probably need to have his foot amputated" due to the walk.
I am pointing out his comments so that you readers have a strong understanding for where my thick sarcasm comes from.
I am pointing out his comments so that you readers have a strong understanding for where my thick sarcasm comes from.
Regardless, we are making the trek over to the game and there are two guys walking behind us. The men are probably college aged and I hear one of them say to the other, "Being in a relationship just isn't worth it, man. It's a lot of work and I see how miserable my roommate is with his girlfriend everyday. I don't understand why anyone would want to be in a relationship in the first place." To which his friend replies the standard response of an inaudible grumble.
Now, if you know me, you understand how hard it was for me to just let these two guys scoot past my dad and I without making some sassy comment or sticking out my foot for this dummy to trip on. Maybe I am a man eater, maybe I am an extreme advocate for girl power, or maybe I have an internal fear that my boyfriend's friends are probably saying the same things about me when they translate my actions into those of a psychotic woman. Regardless, this comment really got me thinking over the last couple of days as to why this friend could have possibly assumed or come to the conclusion that his roommate is "miserable" with his girlfriend.
Here is what I've come up with:
1. His friend/roommate has said to him before "gosh, I am just miserable with Amy."
2. His friend/roommate has told him tales about how terrible Amy is.
3. His friend/roommate rolls his eyes or seems grumpy in Amy's presence.
4. He likes hooking up with multiple girls so much so that he doesn't understand monogamy.
5. He doesn't like putting forth effort on any obstacle deemed as "hard."
6. No girl wants to date this guy, so he's playing it off like he doesn't want a girlfriend.
So, allow me to take you on a magical journey and break these down one by one....
1. His friend/roommate has said to him before, "Gosh, I am just miserable with Amy."
Let's get real with this one- it likely did not happen. Most men out there aren't very open with expressing their feelings, especially with their bros. I think it is incredibly unlikely that while these two were splitting up their share of the monthly bills, one of the guys said, "hey man, can I talk to you about my relationship?" Now, there is always a possibility that I could be wrong. But in this case, I sincerely doubt that this happened.
IF you are a man and you are A) telling your friends how much you can't stand your significant other or B) reading this post thinking "but Nicole, I really AM miserable with my girlfriend." Well, gentlemen, do yourself a favor and break up with this girl and get on with your life. Most men are pretty good at breaking up with girls OR they are even better at treating women like a big bag of garbage until the girl throws in the towel so that he doesn't have to do the dirty work. Either way, life is too short to spend it in some unhappy relationship.
2. His friend/roommate has told him tales about how terrible Amy is.
Now, this... this is a possibility.
We've all heard these stories before. Hell, I have been this story before. "Nicole has OCD, if I leave my socks on the ground she freaks out." And, lets get real, if they're saying it in front of us... they're probably saying worse when we aren't around. Trust me. So, it is a likely possibility that this guy's roommate could have said something like this. Amy is complaining about the socks (or anything ever) and now guess what? Amy is a grade A bitch and the roommate is "miserable."
Now gentlemen, allow me to challenge you to consider the source and the facts. Do I get angry when Ryan's socks are on the floor? Yes, yes I do. Because they are smelly and the hamper is LITERALLY ten feet from where Ryan (love you, babe) tosses them. Is my complaining about said socks annoying? Yeah, maybe it is. But, do you know what's annoying to me? Doing laundry at midnight on a Sunday because you've realized all of your underwear/undershirts/socks are dirty BECAUSE THEY WEREN'T IN THE HAMPER. Two sides to every story, people. Ultimately, having a girlfriend that wants to clean your socks isn't exactly grounds for hating life... ask around.
3. His friend/roommate rolls his eyes or seems grumpy in Amy's presence.
This is an even better possibility and I'm going to tell you why. Have you, ladies, ever been with a group of guys (your man included) and your significant other tells you that he loves you? No? Hmm, ever wonder why? Because guys make fun of their friends for doing emotional things in public. "Awwww look at you two holding hands." Or, "Can you come outside with us or do you have to ask Nicole first?" That's why. Men in numbers create an environment that when you can't stand your girlfriend, thats the norm. They breed the idea that unhappiness is cool and well, it's not. So when your man makes fun of you or repeats something that you say- he's trying to look cool in front of his friends. And, however it is that his friends interpret that is up to them honestly.
4. He likes hooking up with multiple girls so much so that he doesn't understand monogamy.
Depending on how old the guy is, this could be a possibility. This particular guy was college aged so he is probably in the down-to-party stage and potentially in a sex driven stage as well. "I don't understand why anyone would want to be in a relationship anyways," to me, indicates that this bro probably hasn't even been in one. It seems that he doesn't yet know what it's like to love someone out there more than pizza. Because, let's get real, I have been in some genuinely questionable relationships. I won't get stared with those because they wouldn't fit in this blog. But, I digress. Even after the off the wall relationships that I've gotten myself into a time or two, I haven't said, "I don't understand why anyone would want to be in a relationship anyways," because, I understand why.
5. He doesn't like putting forth any effort on any obstacle deemed as "hard."
"It's a lot of work," says the friend. When we are born, we don't walk out of the womb. We work very very hard in our younger year(s) to get our feet under us and walk towards our parents for our favorite toy. You know what was hard? The day I learned to ride a two wheeler and I rode my bike directly into a thorn bush in my neighborhood. In 2010, I graduated college and let me tell you that it wasn't a walk in the park. Between 2012 and 2013 I ran two half marathons the training was long and difficult and the races were too. In 2013, I moved to a city where I knew 0 people and that wasn't easy either. Relationships aren't easy. But if I had never struggled through anything in my life guess what? I would be sitting on my parents floor waiting from them to bring me a damn toy, I wouldn't have a career and I would be lonely as shit. So guys, FYI, life isn't always a game of Candyland.
6. No girl wants to date this guy, so he's playing it off like he doesn't want a girlfriend.
No explanation necessary on this one, pretty self explanatory.
But the real message here is.... Guys, don't pass judgement on your friend's relationships. It's not appropriate and unless you're involved in some creepy love triangle, that relationship involves two people and you simply aren't one of them. Don't make fun of him for loving his girlfriend, thats immature. And don't go around talking about his girlfriend like she's the spawn of satan when she's just trying to do some damn laundry. And guys, tell your woman how you really feel regardless of how it will be perceived!
Here's to LOVE <3
Xoxo
1. His friend/roommate has said to him before, "Gosh, I am just miserable with Amy."
Let's get real with this one- it likely did not happen. Most men out there aren't very open with expressing their feelings, especially with their bros. I think it is incredibly unlikely that while these two were splitting up their share of the monthly bills, one of the guys said, "hey man, can I talk to you about my relationship?" Now, there is always a possibility that I could be wrong. But in this case, I sincerely doubt that this happened.
IF you are a man and you are A) telling your friends how much you can't stand your significant other or B) reading this post thinking "but Nicole, I really AM miserable with my girlfriend." Well, gentlemen, do yourself a favor and break up with this girl and get on with your life. Most men are pretty good at breaking up with girls OR they are even better at treating women like a big bag of garbage until the girl throws in the towel so that he doesn't have to do the dirty work. Either way, life is too short to spend it in some unhappy relationship.
2. His friend/roommate has told him tales about how terrible Amy is.
Now, this... this is a possibility.
We've all heard these stories before. Hell, I have been this story before. "Nicole has OCD, if I leave my socks on the ground she freaks out." And, lets get real, if they're saying it in front of us... they're probably saying worse when we aren't around. Trust me. So, it is a likely possibility that this guy's roommate could have said something like this. Amy is complaining about the socks (or anything ever) and now guess what? Amy is a grade A bitch and the roommate is "miserable."
Now gentlemen, allow me to challenge you to consider the source and the facts. Do I get angry when Ryan's socks are on the floor? Yes, yes I do. Because they are smelly and the hamper is LITERALLY ten feet from where Ryan (love you, babe) tosses them. Is my complaining about said socks annoying? Yeah, maybe it is. But, do you know what's annoying to me? Doing laundry at midnight on a Sunday because you've realized all of your underwear/undershirts/socks are dirty BECAUSE THEY WEREN'T IN THE HAMPER. Two sides to every story, people. Ultimately, having a girlfriend that wants to clean your socks isn't exactly grounds for hating life... ask around.
3. His friend/roommate rolls his eyes or seems grumpy in Amy's presence.
This is an even better possibility and I'm going to tell you why. Have you, ladies, ever been with a group of guys (your man included) and your significant other tells you that he loves you? No? Hmm, ever wonder why? Because guys make fun of their friends for doing emotional things in public. "Awwww look at you two holding hands." Or, "Can you come outside with us or do you have to ask Nicole first?" That's why. Men in numbers create an environment that when you can't stand your girlfriend, thats the norm. They breed the idea that unhappiness is cool and well, it's not. So when your man makes fun of you or repeats something that you say- he's trying to look cool in front of his friends. And, however it is that his friends interpret that is up to them honestly.
4. He likes hooking up with multiple girls so much so that he doesn't understand monogamy.
Depending on how old the guy is, this could be a possibility. This particular guy was college aged so he is probably in the down-to-party stage and potentially in a sex driven stage as well. "I don't understand why anyone would want to be in a relationship anyways," to me, indicates that this bro probably hasn't even been in one. It seems that he doesn't yet know what it's like to love someone out there more than pizza. Because, let's get real, I have been in some genuinely questionable relationships. I won't get stared with those because they wouldn't fit in this blog. But, I digress. Even after the off the wall relationships that I've gotten myself into a time or two, I haven't said, "I don't understand why anyone would want to be in a relationship anyways," because, I understand why.
5. He doesn't like putting forth any effort on any obstacle deemed as "hard."
"It's a lot of work," says the friend. When we are born, we don't walk out of the womb. We work very very hard in our younger year(s) to get our feet under us and walk towards our parents for our favorite toy. You know what was hard? The day I learned to ride a two wheeler and I rode my bike directly into a thorn bush in my neighborhood. In 2010, I graduated college and let me tell you that it wasn't a walk in the park. Between 2012 and 2013 I ran two half marathons the training was long and difficult and the races were too. In 2013, I moved to a city where I knew 0 people and that wasn't easy either. Relationships aren't easy. But if I had never struggled through anything in my life guess what? I would be sitting on my parents floor waiting from them to bring me a damn toy, I wouldn't have a career and I would be lonely as shit. So guys, FYI, life isn't always a game of Candyland.
6. No girl wants to date this guy, so he's playing it off like he doesn't want a girlfriend.
No explanation necessary on this one, pretty self explanatory.
But the real message here is.... Guys, don't pass judgement on your friend's relationships. It's not appropriate and unless you're involved in some creepy love triangle, that relationship involves two people and you simply aren't one of them. Don't make fun of him for loving his girlfriend, thats immature. And don't go around talking about his girlfriend like she's the spawn of satan when she's just trying to do some damn laundry. And guys, tell your woman how you really feel regardless of how it will be perceived!
Here's to LOVE <3
Xoxo
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